I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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