I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
