Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
