your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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