this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
