I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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