I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
