Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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