Grow some girl-balls and come out already
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
