I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
