Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
