Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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