I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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