I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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