I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
