I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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