WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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