pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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