dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
this is an emotional support booty call
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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