The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
