Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
