You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
