so explain again why im purple
no
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
