dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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