well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
