Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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