I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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