in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
