walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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