apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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