Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
