it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
