so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
