sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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