I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
