My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
