once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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