i just made my gag reflex go away.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
