i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
