yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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