Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize