dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
