She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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