Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
