I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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