Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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