i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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