I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
