i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
