actually, I'm a sock model
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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