the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
