I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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