just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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