I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
