forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
