Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
