Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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