I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
