I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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