ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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