capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
