I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
