I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
is it fun? or sober?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
